Fitty and I

Fitty and Me

I wasn’t going to mention the whole giving up smoking debacle here, as I didn’t want to be judged, but it would be untruthful of me to leave out this major part of the change our lives are about to undertake.

Fitty and I are smokers! I know, and you thought we were smart?

We aren’t stupid, we are addicted. There’s a slight difference I think..

2013 is the year of going smoke-free, I’ll wait for you all to stop applauding……Thanks. Fitty and I had our last cigarette on New Years Eve 2012. We have been talking about it for years and have already made several attempts. This time I have an added incentive. Smoking could be the one thing that is preventing me from healing properly from my operation.

It is really important to us that we take this step together and support each other. We decided the old New Year’s resolution would work well for us. The younger kids are all with the ex’s, and this leaves Fitty and I alone to concentrate on our goal.

It was unusual for us to not be together for our “last” cigarette, but as it was N.Y. eve, Fitty had gone to take firework photo’s and I was home with my sore bum still recovering.. We discussed that any cigarettes we had left at the end of the night would be destroyed by Fitty when he got home. I left about 5 cigarettes and my lighter on the table knowing that they would “disappear” sometime before morning… Well that was almost a disaster.

My morning routine of late has been to get up, make coffee, get jumped on and slobbered all over by Pooh, head out onto the balcony, appreciate the beautiful, stunning place I live,  then light up. So I knew it would be important for me not to see any cigarettes, lighters or any kind of reminder that would trigger the first craving, before I had a chance to Patch myself. (Nico-bate nicotine patches are really good).

I woke at about 5.30am, and stuck my hand out sideways to check that Fitty had made it home the night before. Upon hearing the sleepy yelp from him I thought “ok, it’s safe to get up”.

There’s my cigarettes and lighter sitting on the table where I left them!!!

The disappointment, then the craving, then the rage. I stormed into the kitchen with them, filled the packet with water from the sink, ripped them to shreds, and stalked down the hall saying thing like “unbelievable! I ask you to do one thing! I may as well just keep smoking for all the support I get from you!”

This was obviously nicotine talking, and within a few moments where I imagined stuffing wet cigarettes into Fitty’s mouth while he slept managed to calm myself somewhat, I sprang into action and went looking for his packet. I destroyed them in much the same way, (but perhaps with a little more passion.)

The anger turned itself into a good thing in no time, it completely focused me. I got rid of every cigarette butt I could see in the yard, flying around in my slippers like a demon. Pooh watched with her head tilted to the side as she often does when she’s not quite sure what’s going on. I reassured her that it wasn’t her fault I was cranky.

Fitty was so sorry. He had arrived home fairly late and was tired. He’d forgotten. I forgave him. Actually by the time he got up around 8.30 I was completely calm and in control of the situation. We sailed through our first day, completely happy.

It feels so good to be able to take a deep breath and not get the urge to cough. The benefits of not smoking are instantaneous. Right away I start to feel better, healthier and have loads more energy. Just having made the decision, and stuck to it makes me feel proud and strong.

Sure Fitty and I had about 10 stupid little arguments throughout the day, but they made us smile afterward. They are part of the process, and we are well aware that these petty annoyances and spiking mood swings are all part of the transition between being addicted, to being smoke-free and healthy.