Unless you have just heard from the Surgeon that not only do you have a complex situation going on in your body that is causing you endless amounts of pain, (not to mention costing $’s in drugs!!), and you’ve become a non-smoking- vegetarian in order to try and beat it, which you know is working, but obviously not well enough, and you’re going to have to have further surgeries, (how many? not sure?), but you probably don’t want to think about that right now, and your friends and family don’t get visits from you anymore because by the time you’ve shopped, cooked, packed lunches, washed clothes, done housework and worked you don’t have a single scrap of energy left, and you find out you have to travel 600k’s away to have the surgery (and hope that works), so you can have another surgery that only has a 50% chance of working……well then you can swear.

You can do it all the way home in your car. You can swear while the tears pour down your face, you can ring Magoo and swear (a little) at her, and you’ll get away with it too, as she is a sympathetic old soul. You can swear at your partner while you tell him your “great news”, and you can swear at your life for being so damned inconvenient sometimes. You can make plans to call your best friend, (later, when you know  you’re not going to cry and totes wreck her day), and swear back and forth with her for a while, and you can swear at your sister-blood-blister when you pick up the phone and tell her.

But you can’t swear at your Doctor’s dumb receptionist, as the other bright spark is dealing with you today, and lucky for dumb Receptionist #1 too! (She was on the phone wrecking some other poor fools life!). You can’t swear at the Surgeon either, because he’s the one with all the shiny scalpels! You can’t swear at your dog, as she doesn’t understand and thinks it’s great what you’re saying, (wag wag slobber lick!) You can’t swear at your car either, it just sits there looking guilty…

There are a whole range of people you can’t swear at, your kids, your boss, your patrons, your police officer? Ok dammit there must be someone I haven’t sworn at yet?

What’s left to do? Resign yourself to your faith! Buck up and stand tall, you don’t have cancer, you’re not going to lose your children, husband, life! What’s to whine about? You can’t console yourself with chocolate, too much coffee or nasty biscuits. You can’t go on a drinking, smoking or gambling spree,  all those things will just make you sicker. So all you have left is your filthy mouth. Enjoy.