3 and "the Nut"

3 and “the Nut”

When your eldest child goes off to school, your emotions get the full work out. I considered myself lucky that I had another little one at home, and that eased the pain somewhat, but he was my little mate! He’d been right there beside me for so long I just didn’t know what to do without him for a while.

On his first day of school, I knew not to expect him to cling, I could see he was so excited. He actually wanted to say goodbye to me at the gate, I don’t think he realized he had to find his way to a classroom and all that, he just was in a hurry to “get to big school”, and leave me far behind!

I took him to his class and he just disappeared into a sea of small children. I looked around and saw the looks on most of the mummy’s faces. We all seemed to be wearing the same look. There were one or two crying, (and the inevitable mum of 5 who was flying in with the last of her brood, she didn’t stay long that one)! But one thing I could see was that we were all pretty much in the same boat. I sought him out to say goodbye and just about had to put him in a head-lock to get a cuddle and kiss goodbye. “Yes OK MUMMY! GOOD-BYE!”

I remember worrying about stupid things. What if someone hits him in the head with a cricket bat whilst playing cricket? What if he gets sick and nobody notices? What if the other kids are mean to him? The list of “what ifs?” are endless, and it took all my courage to leave him there that day. I have already admitted to being an over-protective mother, so I don’t need to tell you how I worried that first week.

He hated my over-protectiveness. He was so bloody independent! I used to argue with him in the morning about not doing his own lunch for school! He would always get up before the crack of dawn and do it himself! I wanted to do something for my little boy to get him ready for school, but nope, he was always ready before I got to him.

One thing that used to stupefy me was when he and I would go down to town shopping. The number of Mr’s and Mrs’s he knew! “Hello Mr Brown, how’s your little doggie?” he would say. We’d move on a few steps and I would ask him, “who is that? How do you know him?”

“Oh he’s just a friend of Grandads.” Or, “I met him at the school, he’s Ben’s Grandad.” My little boy knew a whole lot of people I had never ever met! The control freak’s worst nightmare? Not even knowing who my child was introduced to, or talking to?

I suppose I really should have been thankful for my independent little man. Considering the years to follow and the succession of hospital stays and babies, I reckon it helped him to deal with the separation from me. He always just dealt with things. He is so much like me, I guess. We are the same…. You just deal with what life gives you and you move forward.

Many years later, when I had begun to relax and had returned to work, (all 3 of my boys at school), I finally got that dreaded phone call.

“Mrs ______ your son ______ has been hit in the head by a shot put.” (yeah, that’s right, 9lb’s or so of lead straight to the head!) I was to meet him at the hospital.

I FREAKED! All my nightmares filled my head at once. I could barely see to drive, I went straight from work to the Emergency Department. There he was, a bit dizzy, a bit sick, but enjoying the drama nonetheless. Turns out he had decided to play catch with the shot put ball, threw it up in the air above his head, and of course the darn thing whacked him one on the way back down! He survived. We waited hours for a head X-Ray, which showed no internal issues or fractures. He was a very lucky boy that day.

I don’t know if my heart ever returned to a regular beat though!

One of the biggest moments in our lives came when 3’s biological Dad, (B.D.) came into his life. (Long story short -we had been a semicasual relationship which resulted in an accidental pregnancy). I was nearly 23, and decided to return home to my Dad’s to live and have the baby, a decision which suited his (B.D and B.D’s mother very well at the time.)

Finally after 17 years of not having ever known his “real” father, my son met him. I should at this time point out that the ex, was to all intents and purposes his Dad, and will always be his Dad. There is no substitute for being the man who raised you, who was there for you throughout your life. Biology or not.

3 and I talked often about the reality of meeting his B.D. one day, and when it finally happened we were all ready. (I’m pretty sure his Dad felt a little put out at the time, but 3 made sure he knew that he was still the only “Dad”!)

3’s B.D. traveled down from QLD to stay with us in our home. A big step, but as we had talked on the phone, and I was compassionate to their needs, we decided it was the only way for them to make the most of the few days they had. I hardly saw 3 that weekend, and that was ok, it was something that had to happen. And it was beautiful. All those wasted years, these two instantly fell in love with each other!

3 and his B.D.

3 and his B.D.

3 is all grown up now, the sum of all the experiences we had together, plus many of his own. He is a most wonderful young man. He has found love in the form of one unusual young lady, “the Nut”, as we call her, well, because (she is a bit nutty). We don’t actually know if this is the relationship that will take him through the rest of his life, but one thing I do know is that I love her. I always have, since the minute she walked through our door. But more about her some other time…

3 you have made my life wonderful darling, there are things I never would have gotten through without your strength, love and loyalty by my side. You may not realize it now, as you struggle through your 20’s trying to find your way to stability and happiness, but you are a fantastic young man. You have never been afraid of anything, and you’ve never let anything hold you back. I love you son. I just wish you’d learn to slow down and put all four wheels on the ground!!

no need to worry about 3!!

no need to worry about 3!!