I’m a woman of many words. Ask anyone who has ever driven in the car with me. Short trip. Long trip. Any trip. It’s always the same, yatter, yatter, yatter! So it’s no wonder my wonderful man has learned to filter.

He has a new habit, (new in the scheme of 25 years of knowing him), and this new habit is to say. “Uhuh, mmmh, yep, yep, yep, mmmh, yep, mmm, mmmmhuh, yep, mmmm”, whenever I am talking to him.

He used to be silent when I was speaking. Now I get the above noises. I can only take this to mean, “your voice is getting so irritating that the only way I can stand here and listen is for myself to be making small noises as well, thereby giving me something to do while I stand here wasting time listening to you!”

I get it. I honestly do. I’m working on trying to limit the endless yatter, filter myself so to speak. I just can’t seem to sit still through silent moments. I think those are the times I am meant to fill with endless jibberish about my day, my thoughts and my feelings. Any man will tell you that more than a few lines about your feelings are enough for a week, let alone every day.

So I’m all of a sudden aware. Sure it’s not the first time I’ve thought about change. It’s just that I’m getting older, and I’m starting to have, “gee I wish I hadn’t said that!” moments. More and more I feel that it would be better to sit back and let others talk. I know how I feel. I should be able to internalize that and be comfortable just knowing. Do I have to be that honest person who has to say what is on her mind? No holds barred, and brutally frank?

Probably not. I would like to be different. I’d like for Fitty to speak up more. And NOT about the star systems, or molecules in water, or atomic science. Just normal every day stuff. Like how work went today? The projects he is working on. How he feels about what the kids are up to, etc. I expect this may be wishing for something that isn’t going to happen, but I’ll never know if I don’t shut up and try, huh?

You see, I thought I was an effective communicator. I thought that saying things over and over in different ways, meant that no one would ever be confused about what you meant or what you were saying. I think I may have been wrong about that.

Yesterday I went looking for a new microwave, seeing as I blew our old one up.

Of course me and my big mouth. “Good, I won’t miss it. Bloody big waste of space. I never use it. Well hardly ever anyway.”

And I really didn’t think I did. I mostly use the stove and steamer pans for our food and vegies, and I couldn’t really see me missing the thing. Fitty and the kids seem to use it more than I do, but he quickly agreed with me and we both enjoyed the extra bench space in our small kitchen.

Cut to four days later, and the kids are wanting to heat milk for their weetbix in the morning. 7 days later and I’ve hurt my neck cleaning for dear T when she moved house. I need to heat my wheat bag?? 10 days later, we all agree. We need a new microwave!

So off I went. One big box of microwave, a great special I might add, and I’m off to look around. A new coffee plunger for work, yes, that look like a bargain. Won’t those lovely red bowls look good with the white ones Fitty bought last week? Yep, into the trolley. Then I saw it. A big shiny box of cutlery. All brand new and matching! And a bargain price. I searched around. That one looks better, we already have nice steak knives, so they are redundant in that set. Yep. That one. I nearly had it in the trolley. But I’d burned my budget with the red bowls and new tea towels already.

I left without the cutlery and went and spent the rest of my pay at the supermarket. When I got home Fitty rang to see how I went with buying a microwave. I told him I’d done very well thank you and then some! I told him that I had very nearly bought us a new cutlery set and wasn’t he proud that I hadn’t splurged and had walked away from it? Oh but it was so nice and shiny, and we really need a new one, so maybe I can buy it next week….

Oh yes I know my consumer man…. “Oh yeah, should I go and look at it?” Fitty loves to spend his hard earned. He would argue that he doesn’t, but he gets just as sucked in by shiny new stuff as I do. We literally have to be careful when we shop together. We can really burn some cash. He once said to me, “would you like me to buy you these kitchen scales?”

“Ummm, I don’t really need kitchen scales Fitty!”

“Yes you do, and they’re cheap. Let’s get em.” So far they haven ‘t been out of the box. But we got em…. Just in case..

Any way. The point is I wish I hadn’t said I don’t need a microwave. Over-communtication. Right there. I could have kept that to myself until I had done my research. That’s the person I want to be now. The one who sits back and listens. The one who does her research before she opens her mouth. I wonder if I could get my jaw wired?

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