There’s nothing like a brand new pair of skinny jeans to make you appreciate the simple things… Like breathing and sitting down.

The long, cold and windy days of Winter have finally hit us. Time for boots, coats and woolly hats, prompting me to buy a pair of skinny jeans over the weekend, because (1) I really need a new pair of jeans, and (2) all my others are too big in the leg to tuck nicely into my knee boots.

Taking note of several pairs of jeans that looked more like plastic than denim, I headed into the changing room of one well known chain store with my selection. Fooled by my lack of attention I realised as I pulled them over my bubble-butt that I had failed to notice the fact that they were “low rise” jeans. You know the ones that require a full Brazilian in order to wear them and are actually designed for teenagers to show off their thong?


Rubbish! Next stop, perfect. Great price, (7’s waiting in the car, must be quick!) Good fit, no bunching. Nice and tight, but I know they’ll stretch with time..

I wore them today, put them on to take 7 and 8 home to Other Mother, grab some groceries and visit D.

It wasn’t until I tried to get in the car that I noticed I had been cut almost completely in half, had difficulty taking a deep breath, and was talking in a higher pitched voice than normal.

Well I have to tell you that by the time I got home I ripped those mo-fo’s off, letting all the “stuff” that had been zipped in – OUT.

It is impossible to remove skinny jeans without turning them inside out in the process. This is a fact.

Breathing normally again I took a loving look in the mirror at all the imperfections I call “home”.

Nearly 47 years on this planet have taught me a few things about life, and one of those things is to let go of all the self hate and body judging that women seem to find so necessary. Sure I have the odd moment where I think that I should probably go for a walk (or something), but I’m way past the age where I feel like I need to work out like a demon to prove my self worth.


I have one of those bodies that changes quickly. I often put on weight in the colder months, but a little bit of stress will melt the kilo’s right from me. I am also rather tall, which helps to create a long thin illusion.

I have been quite skinny, and I have been reasonably chubby. Mostly I’m comfortably padded with a big bum lady curves and I’m happiest this way. I refuse to place a value on myself because of the way I look.

I’m not advocating that a woman shouldn’t exercise if she wants. I’m also not saying that being morbidly obese is in any way good for your health. I’m simply saying that women shouldn’t feel so much pressure, (especially from other women) to look a certain way.

map run

It’s unhealthy to obsess constantly about the way we look, and it takes precious time away from our enjoyment of ourselves and our loved ones.

Fitty doesn’t seem to mind what shape my body takes, he’s still a willing participant in the lurvinย no matter what shape I’m in! The thought of any man being repulsed by a woman’s curves makes me giggle. (Those men only exist in the minds of women who have no idea how beautiful they truly are.) Hint? Look inside your heart, your mind, your spirit!

So I will wear my “skinny jeans” on my BIG FAT ASS whenever I want. (But I might have to wear them in a bit first!) And you can notice how the side-seams aren’t even straight coz they curve around my glorious butt all you like.

I’ll be concentrating on the fact that I’m happy and glowing inside with the knowledge that there’s a Fudge Brownie or two waiting for me at home, and I don’t even have to EXERCISE in order to justify scoffing them!

C’mon Women! Life is way too fun to spend it all miserably pining away for the body that you will probably never have. Enjoy the one you’ve got!

And when things get you down? Just think about this….

boy jeans