Despite the humorous note of my last post, these past few weeks have definitely been a bit sad. Poor old Magoo has lost her husband of nearly 30 years. My Step-father.

He died of cancer. Pretty much every type by the end. I’m not going to dwell on the end of his life, but more on the changes it has brought about.

Of course he was a smoker – and lung cancer is one of the worst ways to die (according to his nurse). Watching both him and my own father die from smoking related cancer, which then spread rapidly throughout their bodies, has made me once again aware of my own mortality.

smoking age

I am a smoker.

I guess I always will be, whether I actually indulge in the habit or not. Fitty and I have given up the habit no less than 6 times already, with varying lengths of success. The first time was the best for us, with both of us staying off the fags for 11 months!

That time I became a gym junkie, and my bestie T and I were enrolled in all kinds of classes. We were up at 6am to go to boxing classes, would have 2 personal training sessions a week, both bought bikes and would meet up for rides, runs and long walks. However, she remained a smoker. Countless times I resisted the urge when I was around her, and it was easy for the first 6 months or so.

Then one day I decided I could probably light a cigarette for her… the rest is history.

Each time I have given up I am determined to never make that same mistake again, and each time it inevitably happens that I am somewhere, (usually but not always with T), and I decide I can Just. Have. ONE.

The reality is that once you make that first mistake, it becomes almost impossible not to make it again and again. Before you know it you have somehow justified buying another pack of cigarettes.

So, today Fitty and I are going smoke-free again. Already feeling very positive, as it’s not the stopping that I have trouble with, but the starting up again. We are armed with our patches, (literally) and are both talking the charged-up, renewed energy and time, talk of the freshly given-up smoker.

If past events are anything to go by, Fitty will be driving us all crazy in just a few weeks. He can’t handle the patches for very long at all due to sensitivities in his skin, and so becomes cranky first, followed swiftly by manic.

By manic I mean very fast. Talks fast. Walks fast. Does everything at top speed. Will not relax. Barks out his sentences, and is bewildered when we tell him he is a weirdo.

happy manic

Whatever it takes. Right people?

I have stupidly organised a lunch date with the girls from my last job, all of whom are smokers! Should be a quick lunch I expect. I’m not overly worried about it as I am pretty good at sticking to my guns while on the patches. It’s the months after I struggle with!

I’m really looking forward to a few good side effects though, as I am so sick of being outside in the cold smoking. Maybe my feet will finally warm up? Maybe the windows will finally get cleaned? I’ve been putting off a lot of big jobs around the house and I’m sure this renewed burst of energy will result in quite a bit of activity.

I’m also looking forward to not being “that girl”, who has to leave the room/building to have a cigarette. It is such a socially awkward thing to leave a movie theatre and rush out the front door to light a fag!! Trying to fit a cigarette in between loading the shopping into the car, and driving home with the kids. Racing out the door for a fag while having lunch/dinner with friends and family who don’t smoke. My sister is visiting from W.A. and I am particularly motivated not to waste precious time with her and Magoo, whilst I’m outside smoking.

They will judge and nag, because they care about me and my health. I really don’t want to be “that girl” anymore.

I am expecting things will go a lot more smoothly this time as T is taking steps to give up smoking very soon as well. My other smoking friends I can handle, but T and I have such a close bond, and spend so much time together that it will really help our success rate if we do this together.

At my Step-father’s funeral Fitty and I were the only smokers. It really hit home when I looked around at all my Aunties and Uncles and realised that if I don’t change my ways, they’ll probably be at my funeral too!