He’s only just begun. We are on day 2 of our non-smoking adventure, and the crazy has already begun to peep it’s way out of his brain!

The lovely 4 is visiting us at the moment, she’s in between moves and loves a bit of time at the Lake to take in the beauty and quiet of our peaceful surroundings.

Poor 4 has lived through a couple of our quitting attempts already. I remember one particular time she begged us to start again! We were probably a little over the top that time, in that we were both undergoing some work related stress at the same time.

This time I have very little stress going on inside. Despite family funerals and all that goes with it, I feel calm and un-phased by all the usual daily bumps. I could almost say that I have never been calmer or more accepting of every little thing. I am very grateful to not have to go out to work! I feel it has given me the time to reflect in silence on all the useless worry and anxiety created in my life by other people who matter very little in the long term.

But enough about me! It’s Fitty you should be worried about!

Fitty enters the home after work at 5.30pm, (Day 1 of no smoking) looking vaguely irresponsible. Not sure what I actually mean by that? But he does, he looks like he’s not to be held responsible for anything he says or does. His hair is wild and woolly and his eyes don’t quite look at me, they are darting about.

Dem eyes tho?

Dem eyes tho?

I cook dinner. We eat dinner. Not a lot of words are spoken. When he does speak he tells me to eat the skin of my squash, which for some reason tastes bitter to me, and I have removed it and pushed it aside.

He’s on the computer after dinner, so is 4. I am watching TV, swearing at our Politicians. I am good at this.

Later on, Fitty watches TV and I begin to move about in the kitchen, trying to make less noise than usual, but washing up a big pot… so..

I hear a massive sigh.

Not one to be backward in coming forward, I leap from the kitchen and approach him from just behind his right ear, whispering something along the lines of –

“What’s up baby bear, does you have the shitties?”

To which he mumbles about the NOISE while he’s trying to WATCH and he can’t HEAR and do I have to CRASH?

I laugh. I’m good at that. We continue with our evening. I am tired and retire early, sleeping like a little baby, which means waking up to urinate with frequency, (although unlike a baby I can walk to the toilet.) At some point I notice he is in the bed. Good. Sometimes he stays up way too late.

This morning, everything starts out fine. I am smart enough to replace my patch upon waking. They work very well for me, and I don’t  so much experience “cravings”, but a vague response in my belly that tells me at this time I should be outside having a cigarette. I ignore that feeling easily, and grope for coffee.

Fitty is back on his computer putting together a video for Magoo. He notices a spam comment on one of his pages and his thus far peaceful existence (today), is shattered by an inability to remove the comment.

Swearing happens. And inexplicable phrases that only Fitty can mutter. Things like “…..and I can’t even remove it or BLOCK it and DAMN Facebook,  stupid bloody, WHY?”

4 and I exchange looks, and smiles. She is going into the office with him today to help out. Poor 4. I imagine she is thinking about how much worse this day could get. It is only 8am!

4 and I talk him through the problem suggesting things he can do to remove the spam etc. There is more muttering and swearing, but he gets there in the end. 4 and I are exchanging a LOT of looks…. and smiles.

At some point I ask Fitty, “Have you put your patch on yet?”

Negative. Nope. NOT YET. He always puts it off. Why? I don’t know? He is a MAN. That’s why. BECAUSE!

keep calm

Looks like I spoke too soon yesterday in saying that it takes him a couple of weeks for the crazy. We are beginning early this time. This could be a good thing. Maybe it will be easier, and pass quicker than last time? I can only hope. Until then, I consider myself lucky that I am handling my own crazy.