Just when I thought I was a dried up old rag of a woman, something happened in my life to awaken a dying part of me. A part that had always been such a vital element of my life.

Blaming Menopause for everything is easy.

Why am I cranky? Hormones. Why isn’t your washing done? Hormones. Why aren’t we having sex much anymore? Hormones…

I could go on and on.

I could honestly blame laziness, or even ‘can’t be bothered-ness’ for the sex. You spend 10 years in a bed with a guy, course you love him, right? You just express it by making sure he has stuff to eat and wear most of the time. Occasionally, (or more often in my case), telling him how much you appreciate all he does. But sex? Uuhhhhhmm…

So here’s what changed, the whole story – minus the bits nobody ever wanted to know.

….I’m noticing one of my close girlfriends has begun bragging about her partner’s recent twat-wizardry. Happy for her, I must admit to feeling that ‘better her than me feeling’ of relief.

Couple of months later I get a Facebook notification.

I’ve been added to a secret women’s group on Facebook. Along with being a fantastic new source of procrastination, giggles and the most inappropriate memes ever, the group clearly shows what we women like to talk about when we think no one is listening….

Ironically around 4400 women access this group. It’s broadly categorised as a sex and relationship group, and has many active contributors.

When I was first added to the group, I was a little taken aback by some of the posts. Clearly I’d never seen anything like this page, outside of discussions had with the girls in intimate little groups, face to face.

Initially I felt like I had stumbled into a car-crash scene and I responded accordingly with the following comment  “you people are fucking mental. I LOVE it!”

This group makes a joke of Fifty Shades..

I’m fascinated by a particular frequent poster who is a “sub” who describes her life and the rules by which her “dom” controls and pleases her. The very name she goes by is a telling sign of the obvious respect and love they have for each other, but of course I can’t tell you what it is, as that would betray an internet confidence.

I’m sure you can see by now that as a writer I am intrigued by some of the discussion on this page. Lots of content to scroll through but the content that intrigues me is obviously written by intelligent, witty, strong and fucking sexed-up women.

Women who post sexy pics of half naked men in wet tighty-whities that pop up in your feed while you’re drinking your coffee in the morning. Memes that say “If vaginas weren’t meant to be kissed, they wouldn’t have lips”. Long titillating posts that read like real world scenes instead of frivolous virgins named Euthanasia Anastasia who say ” Oh Gee” when ya jam a damn butt-plug in..

You see? It’s absolutely precious.

Guess what else is true?

Monkey See? Monkey Do….

A few days of this and I can’t keep my hands off Fitty, who is intelligent enough not to say anything about it – he’s just swaggering around like Solo Man with a sexy-beast glint in his eye.  So I tell him about the group… Hahahaha HA!

Never one to let me get the last laugh, Fitty grabs me by the pony tail, reefs my head back and whispers in my ear..

“You bring that Christian Grey over here and I’ll show him how to Fuck a woman!”

Lol Fitty – you win all the sexy

Advertisements