In the following two and a half weeks Fitty and I spent a total of 3 nights together. I couldn’t cope with anything. I felt deeply for him, but couldn’t get past FW and our friendship. That – and my desire to put things back together with my kid’s dad. The last thing I needed was love.

In the meantime Fitty was writing me epic love poems and mooning about trying to justify our relationship. He was up against a brick wall with me. I knew I had broken the rules. It was bad enough that it happened. Now it had to stop. Good friends don’t sleep with their friend’s ex’s.

It confused me so much I think I was just glad to end it and be guilty as fuck and try and fix what I’d broken. I knew Fitty and I would struggle to retain our friendship but there was nothing else to do. We decided together not to tell FW considering it was going nowhere. But then a few days later FW was visiting and said something so leading and investigative that I had to fess up.

I knew FW was going to hate me when I told her about us. I hated me!

She of course asked few questions and quickly dispatched herself from my life. The fact that it was over meant very little to her. I understood..

Fitty and I both moved on quickly. I patched things up with He who used to be, and moved out to the farm house with him permanently. Fitty moved us out there which was heartbreaking, and awkward for both of us. I feel as though I was the worst person in the world accepting his help to move me back to my lover’s home after I broke his heart, but somehow we both bounced back quickly.

Fitty decided the best way to deal with his pain was to have a relationship with OM – who is a whole adult person younger than him. I think Fitty had a fling on his mind originally, but before long I was actually happy to see them fall in love. I was relieved.

It wasn’t long before OM fell pregnant with 7 followed fairly quickly by 8. There was a weird vibe between Fitty and I now. We were only able to small talk when we occasionally ran into each other in town. I was completely ok with this at the time. I think I resented him a little for the loss of my friendship with FW and again for thinking that his relationship with OM was a good idea. I’d kind of lost respect for him. He’d always been so reliable and now he was acting like a teenager.

Not to put OM down at all, she is a very clever woman, I’m not implying their relationship wasn’t good or real, it just didn’t look like it was going to work long term.

I’d known OM for a long time as well, I was a friend of her mother’s and had watched her grow up. When OM was about 16 she moved into a flat with her older sister in the same complex in which the boys and I lived. Directly opposite, our windows looked straight into each other’s so it wasn’t unusual for us to spend a lot of time together. We got along well and she has the same kind of ‘in your face’ personality I do.

When Fitty and OM got together I was a little – meh – too entrenched in my own dramas and frankly glad someone had picked Fitty up and carried him out of the area of my concern. As I said, we, his friends, didn’t expect much too come from it and were surprised when Fitty started his second family.

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Fitty, OM with 7 & 8

My relationship with the kid’s dad was going well. We had never gotten along better (although I had told him that I was only staying with him in order to punish him for the rest of his days on earth.)

Catshit came along one random night in what should have been a fairy tale story where the White knight comes and sweeps the damsel in distress away to happy ever after land and instead was an epic story of cluster fuckery.

For a start, he came along when things were going relatively well in the damsel’s life. To add insult to injury he appears to have been talked into her sphere of interaction by vague premonitions and prophetic dreams.

It was around 18 months after the Fitty fiasco..

A girlfriend from a nearby town invited me to an event that I wouldn’t normally attend, but at the time I thought it sounded like fun and a good chance to dress up, drink and dance the night away. I was also hell bent on having a social life independent of He who used to be, kinda rubbing his nose in his past behaviour.

So off I went to the Truckie’s Ball with my friend… I know right – the fuck did I think would happen?

beware

You ever noticed how when a cat shits, before it does anything else, before it even acknowledges the shit – it’s already frantically pedalling dirt backwards over the shit trying to cover it up? That’s how Catshit got his name – I’ve been trying to cover up the fact that I married the psychotic piece of emotionally retarded shit for years!

I went to my brother Pat’s house to get ready, as I didn’t want the boys to mess up my pretty dress before the ball. I figured they would trash it just giving me kisses goodbye if I got ready at home. This was considered suspicious by He who used to be, but true enough. My brother told me I looked beautiful as I left, then said “you’re going to meet your soulmate tonight.” Pffft. What? I’m not looking for a soulmate! 

Inconspicuous on its own the statement meant a lot more when paired with He who used to be’s prophetic dream a fortnight earlier. He came out of the bedroom calling me a bitch and joking. “How dare you introduce me to your new boyfriend in my dream!”

He said the dream felt real and he woke up really angry with me.

Fouled with the curses of my partner and brother – I arrived at the ball and stood smack bang in front of a tall blonde man in a dinner suit. During the first half hour of the evening he stared at me. I was sitting opposite him at the table and every time I looked up he was staring. I’m a classy fucking lady and I know how to handle myself, so I locked eyes with him across the table and squeaked “stop looking at me!” then proceeded to get smashed and flirt with him.

Confession: Around about 10 Sambuca shots later it was love at first sight… I had my first one night stand at 33 years old and was unfaithful for the first and only time in my life with Catshit! …I woke up the next morning wondering how I was going to rewind time.. ^^totes slut^^

He who used to be fell in a bit of a heap when I left him. It would be dishonest of me if I didn’t admit to feeling a little like he deserved it. I tried to be caring but he had treated me much worse over the years, so I didn’t mind him hating me much at all.

Looking back we had to end somehow, and I was pathetic going back to him that last time anyway… I shudder to think where we may be now if Catshit hadn’t come along?

Want to hear more? Want to find out what OM and I talked about underneath the table at that party that time?

Meet you back here tomorrow.

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