This week Australia lost yet another young mother to domestic violence. The nation is again in shock at another senseless crime, leaving a child motherless.

How saddening to think that one day that baby girl is going to find out not only was her Mummy murdered, but also that she had sought help and protection. Protection that failed her.

I recently published a series of stories that had an (although expected), very deep and hurtful backlash. I was unprepared for the amount of distress that reliving my most turbulent times would cause. I felt paranoid about revealing details of my dysfunctional marriage because I still have a tiny part of me who wonders if she is truly “safe”.

You can only hear so many threats before you start to take one seriously. (I do fear that my ex will read my blog. I fear that he will get all “Catshit-y” about it and behave like a violent child..)

At least I’m no longer living with a man who thinks it’s okay to force the “shut up and do as you’re told” onto me. I’m not living with one who makes me feel worthless and stupid, because I know how he treated me was wrong.

For the abused, the shame and judgement they heap on themselves is no match for what they get from their abuser. Half of the reason for not leaving is the lack of belief in oneself. The other half is fear, and the fear is very real.

They’re afraid of their abuser, but they’re also afraid of you. You may wonder why they couldn’t say no to the abuse and walk away? You’ll wonder what they did to make someone so angry? You may even wonder if they deserved it? You can’t help thinking that way, any more than the abuser can.

If they can’t respect themselves how the hell can you?


In the few days since I wrote the story of my marriage I have experienced so many moments of regret and panic that I considered deleting the posts.

Truth is – I only told the truth.

If there is a backlash for me, then it should actually be that the death of that lovely young mother has made me stronger. Made me realise that we are never going to solve this problem while it remains a thing of judgement and shame.

I am scared to tell my story about domestic violence because I fear violence may result from it.

Think about that?

We need to start telling our stories. We need to talk about this. We need to stop being so worried about who we are going to offend and tell it like it is.