Archives for posts with tag: quitting smoking

Restraint – The act of controlling the expression of one’s feelings – Farlex free dictionary.

In the last 7 days, I have been subjected to a lot of stress. A lot. I’m sick of restraining my feelings, sometimes you just gotta have a go, say what you want to say, and feel better. Right?

First event: The youngest child (and usually most sensible/sensitive), had a demonic outburst of anger and hatred which lasted approximately 15 hours, (one hour of declaration and 14 of withdrawal), which was directed solely at me. Luckily I had the sense and maturity to restrain myself from reacting, and carried on with life and parenting as usual – because “teenager”.

It didn’t stop me from having a couple of sleepless nights worrying about the cause of his outburst, or trying to discuss the situation with OM, (his mother), which was unfortunately the wrong move for me this time. I can’t, for all that is sensible, believe in or condone  free range parenting. I see it more as a neglectful, abject dissolution of responsibility.

But that’s just me..

I restrained myself from commenting further because what I wanted to say would have come from years of frustration, and probably not helpful in any way other than unburdening myself of said frustration!

Sometimes I struggle with the 3 way parenting model. Sometimes I struggle so hard I want to scream. Instead, I’ve spent years intensively working on trying to accept that my parenting style is not perfect, and not everyone has to adopt a similar style in order to raise children. But I have my limits!!

Second event: Fitty had been complaining of pain in his right lung, neck and shoulder for about 2 weeks. On Tuesday night, around 6pm I arrived home (from a visit with my spiritual cleanser and bestie, T), to find that his pain was increasing. I suggested, as I had been for a week, that we really should get him to a doctor. Fitty had been refusing, but his increasing pain was starting to talk him round..

By 7.30pm I was speeding him to the emergency room with a suspected collapsed lung. He was in terrible pain, hyperventilating and going into shock.

We didn’t think we had time to wait for an ambulance, so it was up to me to get him safely to the hospital… I don’t think I need to comment further on the amount of fear, anxiety and panic created by that situation?

Upon arriving at the ER, he was immediately surrounded by 3 staff, attaching all kinds of cables and monitors. His heart rate was way up, his oxygen stats way down. He was in a lot of pain. At the time, I busied myself filling out the form, and trying to stay out of the way, whilst trying to control my own hyperventilation!

It was when they wheeled him into the critical care room and rolled in the “crash cart” that I began to feel the overwhelming seriousness of the situation, and my utter helplessness!  I felt sick, fearful and ready to burst.

I restrained myself immediately, opened the curtain that separated us from the rest of the patients in the emergency room, took myself away from Fitty, into a corner near the exit and stared at the wall. I can’t even tell you what I was thinking, it would hurt too much, but I will tell you that I didn’t cry, I didn’t collapse, I just took a couple of long deep breaths and told myself to hold together. It wouldn’t do to have Fitty see me in tears, the last thing he needed was more stress! I returned to critical care and stood once again by my love’s side, with resolved strength. (I doubt he even noticed my absence.)

I have since thanked all the Gods in the universe for his safe return home to us. The staff at the hospital were able to stabilise him quickly, and although a thorough diagnosis is still not available 5 days later, Fitty’s pain is manageable and his symptoms have abated. We are waiting for further test results to determine the cause, but we both feel confident he is receiving the right treatment. He is soo much better!

Upside: Fitty gave up smoking the morning before he fell ill. He knew something wasn’t quite right. A few days later I stopped, and we are now both smoke free. (Those who follow this blog will know this isn’t our first rodeo, if fact this will be attempt number 7!) “They” say it takes an average of 7 – 10, so we’ll just keep trying until we succeed.

The teenage angst has passed, he told me he didn’t even know why he said the things he did? Well fuck son, thanks?

Seriously…  Now it’s the dog…

SIKLate last night Pooh dog was vomiting and shitting liquid waste. Listless, forlorn and sleepy, she hadn’t eaten properly and wasn’t drinking much either. It was the excessive “bowing” that clued me in to the fact it may be gastritis. I remembered reading about the behaviour having something to do with gut pain. I followed the advice I got online, and she’s doing much better today.

I guess it does you good to get smacked upside the head with a bit of “life” now and again, but I really need it to stop now.


Meg XO

*this post brought to you by “nicotine withdrawal” and “fuckoff life I’m sick of your shit”*


Writing a blog post because somebody tells me I need to write a blog post should be interesting, however with Fitty and I both off the smokes there’s always plenty of fun floating around.

Last night I was recovering from a minor illness and therefore couldn’t attend a fundraiser movie night with Fitty. We had planned on going together, but I just wasn’t feeling up to it, so he went on his own. During the evening Princess called and we were still chatting when Fitty returned home from the movie…..

Turned out Princess had heard of the movie and wanted to know if it was worth seeing, so she asked me to ask Fitty, “Is it worth seeing?’

Fitty- “It’s not got many like, crazy new sea creatures in it…”

Me- “Ookay….But was it good?”

Fitty- “It’s not a romantic comedy you know?”

Me, mumbling-“omg Fitty I’m gonna…. WAS THE BLOODY MOVIE ANY GOOD OR NOT?”

Fitty- “Yeah it was ok.”


At this point I’m threatening to do nasty things to Fitty’s underbelly parts, because no nicotine patch (and Fitty can be such a dick sometimes). Did I ask him about sea creatures? Did I suppose a movie about exploring the depths of the ocean would be romantic and humorous?? Nope.  Did Princess? No! I honestly don’t know why Fitty has to be so difficult.

After weeks of nicotine patches and cutting down of same,  I’ve decided to go without as of yesterday. I noticed I was starting to feel a little like I wanted to smoke something soon and thought it was probably because my body was still receiving nicotine? I dunno, but so far so good. Except for being able to deal with Fitty and his way of making the possible seem highly improbable. Even now he’s messaging me on Facebook from his office. Screaming at me in capitals that he has RECEIVED ANOTHER KITCHEN QUOTE. Calm down Fitty, it’s only a kitchen quote…

I know things may escalate quickly this week, it’s the first week we’ve both been off patches together, but I also know that with Fitty and I, humour will always prevail. It never gets that bad that one of us can’t make the other see how ridiculous they’re being. It’s a skill, and definitely one that makes our relationship work better. Like last night, well before the movie incident.

Fitty arrives home from work with some contact lenses. He’s agreed with his Optometrist to try them out as his glasses are bothering him of late. We discuss the benefits of him trying them straight away as he has to go out to see the movie etc. He decides he can handle it and proceeds to try and put them in.

Ha ha HA. Several minutes later I look up from what I’m doing to see him sitting at the table with a massive frown on his face, staring at the tip of his finger where an innocent lens sits. Several attempts later sees him slam his fist on the table, push back hard on the chair until it bangs against the wall behind him, then glares at me swearing. It’s ok Fitty. I understand.


There truly is a reason why people get so shitty when they come off nicotine. There is a feeling of rage that can rush you, making you scream and shout and feel like murdering EVERYONE! And as quickly as it comes, it passes. I liken it to my hormonal “rushes” I get each month. Poor Fitty, being a male, can’t even comprehend what is happening and therefore chooses denial.

He is perfect after all. Never does a thing wrong.

We will survive, as we have every other challenge that has come our way. Mostly we just have to get through this period without succumbing to the temptation of having a cigarette. That is the only thing we have to really avoid doing…. well that and killing each other.