Archives for posts with tag: surgeon

I have just returned from Sydney after a very frustrating couple of days.

I did undergo a surgery, but it wasn’t the one I was hoping for. My Surgeon has explained to me that I am still too inflamed and unwell for the procedure to be successful. Although I’m upset that this thing will drag on, I am pleased that my surgeon is sensible and making good decisions for me. There’s no point undergoing a painful procedure with little chance of success. So he tells me I’ll have to wait another 6 weeks, at which time he’ll decide whether I’m “fit” for surgery again.

In the meantime,  Fitty and I had to rearrange our travel and accommodation plans, thankfully the motel will refund the nights Fitty didn’t use the room. My work weren’t expecting me back for 6 – 8 weeks, and here I am probably fit for work again in a week or so.

When I first woke up, there were tears. I had a good cry and was then able to see the truth of the situation. Fitty’s face was priceless when I told him what had happened, he was quite obnoxiously put out by the whole thing, but he too could see it was for the best. We both just had to adjust to the new situation, we were both expecting and had prepared so meticulously for a very different outcome.

It’s unbelievably frustrating news, but I guess looking on the bright side, I will be 6 weeks healthier for the surgery? We’ll be able to complete a couple more renovation projects before I go back to surgery. The fireplace will definitely be in, we will be picking up the hearth tiles Monday, and the fire should be here by the end of the week. I can’t wait for this toasty warm addition to our home. We used to have to just about sit on the open fire to keep warm as most of the heat would go up the chimney. However we will now have to go and get a “proper” tree to decorate for Christmas…. No more tarting up the old copper fire place.

The Christmas Chimney lives no more....

The Christmas Chimney lives no more….

Fitty and I are hoping to finalise plans for our new kitchen in the next week or so and get that happening as well. So many things to choose…. I will be spending lots of time at the tile shop scratching my head I think? I used to think I knew what I wanted, but a simple trip into the tile shop has my head swimming with new ideas. Too many choices, I’d probably be better closing my eyes and spinning around til I stop, and pick the one I’m pointing at. Hey now there’s an idea!!

I want to take some time to say thank you again to my very special blogging friends. You have no idea how much your support and your continuing kind messages have helped me. I know you will be frustrated with and for me, and I thank you for that as well. I’ve decided that whatever happens next is going to happen whether I’m happy or sad about it, so I’ve chosen a positive attitude. I’m pretty sure it will all work out fine for me in the long run. Now I’m off for a nice hot pain relieving bath, and a good early night.


True Love

True Love

Spectacular, stunning, beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, how else can I describe this beautiful girl. Our Bride V was a most exquisite sight coming down her grassy aisle to meet her handsome Groom. Was there a dry eye in sight, probably, but I couldn’t tell from the water threatening to spill from my own eyes as I watched this procession of beauty approach the destination at which they would become forever joined.

Tribute was fairly paid to the fact that V and 2 were already a well established family, and also to the fact that they presented with extraordinary strength. After all 2 has been to Afghanistan with the Australian Army, and our gal V has waited faithfully and passionately for the chance to wed her man, patiently keeping the home fires burning for their two adorable children.

It isn’t often that someone so young inspires in me the kind of praise that V deserves. I really do respect the way she lives, the patience with which she raises her children, and the calmness she has shown in the face of the various challenges thrown her way. I just have to say she is one of the most impressive young women I have ever had the good luck to meet, and I get to be her, wait for it, “Step-mother-in-Law”, for all the days left of my life.

The whole Wedding Day was beautiful. The week had been rainy and cold, but the clouds broke and the sun shone for our two, just in time to make the afternoon so warm and perfect, which was lucky as all our dresses were strappy or strapless. We really  couldn’t have asked for nicer weather. The wind blew our hair around a bit, but also stirred up a nice cool breeze for the boys in their three piece suits.

The Reception was lovely. Mouth watering canapes kept on coming and the entree and mains were delicious. Lots of fun was had by all of us, and there were many tears throughout the speech of the Bride’s sister. (I actually thought our eldest girl, 1 might need a drip to replace some liquid as she cried so much during her brother’s speech.) It must be hard being the eldest child and watching your little brother being so grown up and responsible.

gorgeous babies, down the aisle.

gorgeous babies, down the aisle
kids at wedding
8 and 1 followed by 4 and 7

7 and 8

7 looked so grown up

vick and wally

Stunning V never a more beautiful bride

I was so proud of our brood, they all had such a wonderful night, dancing and laughing together. Fitty snapped photos most of the night, and the kids and I partied on the dance floor. (Yes I took lots of pain killers for the opportunity to live a little normally for once.) I wasn’t alone as Fitty’s poor sister had come down with a bug and was feeling miserable.

No problems, everybody happy and only one or two cases of illness. I feel a little rushed writing this and would like to say so much more, but I really need to get to work, and I have lots of things to organize this week. Another trip to the local surgeon, as I have had a minor setback, and may need a little operation while waiting for my big operations! So typical of my life right now, I”m not even going to tell you how I feel about that!

I also need to finish my tributes to our children. I am exactly half way through and up to number 5, which I can promise will be a very entertaining and dramatic read.

Also now that the Wedding is behind us, the next big thing will be our kitchen renovation. I have only been waiting for about 5 years, so that will be most exciting…..If it EVER HAPPENS!

5and the lovely one, the nut and 3. 7 next to 6 and I, and 8 squatting in front. Nearly all of us!

5and the lovely one, the nut and 3. 7 next to 6 and I, and 8 squatting in front. Nearly all of us!

Well, I’ve been a little busy lately. I’ve been crying and bitching and scolding and despairing and basically being a big pain in the you know where. Fitty and the kids are copping a fair bit of fall-out from my poor health at the moment.

Having found out in Sydney that the month of April (and beyond), will probably be more painful than I can handle, I have gone into shock/horror mode and am turning into a ranting bitch psycho the likes of which my family have never seen. One minute I’m fine, the next I’m crying. I can be led into rants that last for an hour simply because I find a bobby pin on the floor! If anyone challenges me they can look forward to a good old fashioned ear bashing. “No one understands me”, “nobody really cares whether I have to crawl around on the floor picking up their crap!” “Can’t somebody just once, listen to what I say?” etc. I just go on and on…….

Why? Because I said so, that’s why!

But really I expect it’s because I am running from a truth that I can’t accept. I’m stuck with a chronically painful problem. I need surgery that makes me wish I could just go through a really difficult breach, posterior labor for 36 hours or so, because that at least has an END, with a lovely baby attached. That’s just how I feel. This kind of pain should lead to a baby, call it conditioning…..  really excruciating pain = labor = baby! At some point there has to be a significant end point.

I honestly don’t know how I’ll cope with the pain, if how I’m coping with the fear is any indication?

To be fair, I have also halved and sometimes quartered my daily pain relief for fear that when I really need them in April, they won’t be as effective. (I will already have built up an intolerance to them therefore requiring me to take more and more when the pain load increases.) Obviously withdrawing from any narcotic drug is going to make me feel a little confused, airy, emotional, angry, sweaty, outraged, desperate etc. These are just a handful of the things I am feeling at this time. Then I have to counter that with the pain. Over the course of the last 5 days I have been cutting down I have had increased pain, each day getting more sharp and nasty.

All this stuff is new to me, I’m no expert on pain control/relief and have been told (by a doctor), that cutting down my pain relief “would be a good idea at this point”.  Scarey stuff when I have to take into account that I am withdrawing from opiates, whilst trying to wrap my head around next month’s approach to cutting me open to help me “get better” all while my pain increases to unbearable levels! To put it bluntly I’m a bit of a mess right now. But an honest one.

We have a big family Wedding this weekend, I want to be well and happy for that day if  for no other. I know I will pull myself together, and despite having so many people around to help organize and get ready, this busy, happy time will actually help me to feel more positive. I long to watch this beautiful girl wed this wonderful boy!! We have all been waiting for this day for a very long time.

I know I will have to take deep breaths and not let things get to me. I have to remember not to let the stress get on top of me, and the key will be organization, FITTY!! BOYS!! I hope you are reading this. I need all the help I can get right now!! Don’t be coming to me with buttons off shirts 5 minutes before we get in the car, oh and by the way, 7 and I will be at the hairdressers getting all de-stressed and dolled up by 10am, so you will be on your own….good luck.

Fitty has and always will be my biggest support, but at the moment I feel so removed from him. It’s funny as I have never had a moment in our entire friendship or romantic life together that I haven’t felt him rock solid beside me. I guess my illness is shaking him up a bit and he says he feels like he can’t make a “right” move. It’s true too. I am attacking him for silly things that I would normally blink at. I’m super sensitive to everyday struggles and issues. Every mistake anyone makes is like a personal insult and I cannot help thinking, why would you do that, now when I really need you not to stress me? It just goes with the territory of intense pain and anxiety control. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for sympathy, I have that in bucketloads from my wonderful friends and family. I guess I just wanted to take the time to explain how it is for some people. Sometimes life throws you these little curve balls, I’m hoping that when this one is finished breaking me down, it will end up making me stand taller and be more capable.

To Fitty and my close family if you’re reading, I’d like to say this: I’m sorry if I have hurt, confused, or angered you lately, caused you frustration or concern. I’m terribly conscious at the moment of all the little things that could go wrong and I’m obsessing on them instead of focusing on my pain. If you feel like saying something to me, please do so?

The truth is I am not perfect! I’m just doing the best I can……I love you all.

Well I have been a busy lady lately. Fitty and I only just arrived home from Sydney late yesterday afternoon, and have one whole week before 2 weds his beautiful Bride. We are just a little bit excited now, and a lot busy.

Today we had to buy clothing for young 8, plus 7 and I had to have our final fitting for our dresses, and we had to buy some fresh fruit and vegetables after being away most of the week.

We began at the dress shop and my dress fitting went well. I had left things until late as my weight had been plummeting earlier in the year when I first looked at the dress. Turns out it only needed a little tweaking and fits perfectly now. With 7’s dress I was worried about the bust of the dress fitting. She has just begun to blossom and I worried she may quickly outgrow any alterations done early. So we left hers until today as well. Hopefully we shall have two very perfectly fitting dresses come Saturday!

I have been asking Fitty for weeks if 8 had something to wear to the wedding, which is “Black Tie Formal” and had been told he was “all set”. This worried me a little as I usually need to see things with my own eyes before I am satisfied. Men sometimes have a different idea of what looks good than we women do don’t they girls? Anyhoo, turns out 8 had grown out of his good duds and needed a whole new outfit for the big day. We thought we could probably get away without buying him a suit, as he is only 10 years old, so decided to buy him a nice pair of dress pants and shirt instead.

Easier said than done when you consider his size to height ratio. A 10 year old who has grown out of the kids size range. We searched through several childrens wear departments until we finally gave up and decided to try a small mens pant. BINGO! A very excited 8 was very happy to have found a nice pair of pants, even if I do have to cut about a foot off the bottom and re-hem them!!  He liked every shirt I had picked for him to choose from, so that was easy too. Thank goodness we are all organized now!

We were very lucky to have both Grandmothers on hand this week for our Sydney trip to see the Surgeon. Fitty’s mum looked after 7 and 8, and Magoo looked after her “grand-doggie” as she calls Pooh.

Pooh in Grandpa's Shed.

Pooh in Grandpa’s Shed.

I am a big sook and suffered terribly when I dropped my little doggie off. I was completely overboard worrying about this and that. Making sure I told Magoo several times how to look after my little girl. I finally had enough cuddles and waved goodbye to her and Magoo for a few days. Sniff sniff….
I worried less about the kids! 6 went to his father’s house for a few extra days and 7 and 8 had a ball getting spoiled at Nan and Pop’s!

Fitty and I had a night with 4 in Canberra, and left for Sydney early in the morning, which put us at our hotel quite early in the day. I asked the Receptionist if there was any chance of an early check in, as I was feeling very unwell. At last a wonderful, intelligent and kind Receptionist! She sent us down to the bar for a free drink, and told us she’d contact us as soon as our room was ready! It was around 11.30am at this stage, (and Fitty had not one but two beers!) He was quite happy about 20 minutes later when the lovely girl called and told us our room was ready.

She had upgraded us to a lovely room on the top floor with a Turkish Steam Shower, and a massive Spa Bath! I was so happy I nearly cried. What a lovely Hotel Rydges in Parramatta is, and what great staff they have. We thoroughly recommend a stay in their fine hotel!

Pooh -Sydney trip 016Pooh -Sydney trip 008

Turkish steam shower anyone?

Turkish steam shower anyone?

The Surgeon was quite a charmer! He told me his record for solving a problem like mine (in one patient), was 28 surgeries! I hope he doesn’t see me as a challenger for that record?

He has booked me into his diary for early April, so luckily I can relax and enjoy the Wedding and another month of reasonable comfort until I have my next 2 procedures in Sydney. I am very worried about this, but will have to just go with the flow. I know he is the best man for the job, and am reassured, (now that I have met him and researched the crap out of him on the net), that I couldn’t be in better hands.

I’ve called a time- out. Woke up so many times through the night, I feel like a cuckoo clock chiming the hour, “ohhh” instead of “cuckoo”! I have been trying to have a 5-7 day break when one course of antibiotics runs out, just to give my body a chance to catch up with itself a little. I could be doing more harm than good I suppose, and considering the amount of research I have done into diet and other issues recently, I really should have done some research on having a break before just making that decision.

The infection got out of control this time during my break period and I’m suffering a little now waiting for it to respond to the medication once more. Usually takes about a week to start feeling a lot better. Also I don’t think my dietary slip on the weekend is helping much. I have been woken by stomach cramps and some different, odd pains, every night this week.

Oh well, what can you do? My theory generally is, “If you can walk, you can work!” Today, that’s not working so well for me. I called in sick. I have taken twice the usual amount of pain killers today and am still pushing it uphill to keep on top of the pain. I can’t actually live in the bath, but it helps to soothe and relax me, making the pain a little easier to deal with. So off to the bath I will go.

I’ll have a time out day, and see if a bit of rest and relaxation, perhaps a gentle walk with Pooh the dog later on, (and some cuddles with her), will help me get over the hump.

Heard from my surgeon that the big guru smart guy surgeon in Sydney will see me next Thursday, so Fitty and I are beginning to make plans as to how we will make the journey. We’ll probably be able to stop in at 4’s for the night on the way, which will be lovely, and also will break up the trip a bit for us. Traveling is not much fun for me at the moment. We’ll also stop in Sydney for a night and make our way home again Friday. Lucky for my work, this will all happen on my rostered days off. I hate taking time off and literally have to be forced into calling in sick by Fitty. He thinks I’m a bit of a workaholic? He thinks I should take more time to look after myself and forget about work. Work thinks the same way as Fitty, so I guess I’m just feeling guilty for no reason at all?

We also have the big Wedding coming up and need to make sure everybody is organized for that. I don’t know how we’re going to pull it all off, actually, if I don’t start feeling better soon, it’s going to be a bit hard. I’m dreadfully scared that the Guru will want to do the surgery the week before the Wedding or something like that. That it will be the only time he can do it, and I’ll have no choice but to do it then.

I have learned that whatever will be will be in life, and there’s really no point fighting against it. As long as I am present at the Wedding I guess that’s all that matters. And if I’m off my face on pain killers, should make for some funny stories later at least?